OK, Which One of You Wise Guys Took a Shit in the Mailbox?

"While it was initially thought that the miscreant was using dog poop, it has now emerged that he or she may be dropping their own stool inside mailboxes as well."

Accusations that Deutsche Post's service is crap have been taken to the next level .

That truly is taking it to a "whole nutha' level".

Steamy Corndog Action

Herman "Night Train" Cain viewed and promptly sent an inappropriate text.

Old Footage Possibly Damning Evidence

Before he was the Engineer of the Cain Train, Herman did work laying the track.

And was remembered to say:

Barney Frank - Hanging It Up

Barney has announced that he will retire.  Rumor has it that his post-retirement plans involve a little ass grabbing.

His future may include opening a quaint New England B&B after re-habbing a painted lady that he picked up on the cheap at a HUD sale.

A working name for the place is "They Mayflower Madam".  Good luck and Godspeed, Barney Frank – a twuu Ame-wi-can He-woe. (don't let the screen door hit you in the ass on your way out)

The Name is Bond...Elite Bond

Germany mulls "elite bonds" with 5 nations.

Septic System Inspection - Don't Make a Federal Case Out Of It, Man

You might say that the Feds have the citizenry scared shitless and the scammers know it.  Federal Bureau of Septic System Investigation.  What's next?  C.S.I. - Bismark, ND Sewage Lagoon?

Plenty of Hot Ass Crack Action Going On in This Video

Funny how Americans will go completely apeshit about saving 15 Ben Bernanke Fun Bucks at a Wal-Mart for an appliance that will probably end up in a garage sale in the space of a few years.  These same folk will eagerly overpay by tens of thousands of dollars (or more) when buying a house with an Easy Al Greenspan shoehorn mortgage.

Newt Gingrich - Former History Professor

So, do you think Newt can tell you the year that he last saw his dick without the aid of a mirror?

Tammi and Jennifer Black Friday Sale Ends at Midnight

Black Friday Waffle Iron & Toy Story DVD Pandemonium!!!!!

Why Did the Pheasant Cross the Road?

Thanksgiving

Pheasants that I shot last week are in the 'fridge defrosting.  The carrots, celery, yellow peppers, onions and mushrooms are in the cast iron dutch oven on low heat soaking in some cheap ass white wine.  The truck is packed for a Thanksgiving Day pheasant hunt at Carlyle and a certain puppy dog I know that has a big nose and floppy ears is itching to go.  And Thursday, there will be Packers and Lions playing football.  With any luck, I'll catch the game on the radio while driving home and smoking a cigar.

Get Big Tits or Die Tryin'

Trying to make the leap from an F to a G cup and didn't make it....

Seen here at Germany's "Venus" porn festival, Cora was well known for trying to give 200 men fellatio in one day. She fell ill by the 75th man.  Gone but not forgotten.

Mispricing Risk ---- American Style!

History has not dealt kindly with protracted periods of low risk premiums.

Got a Jacques Cousteau Snorkel Mortgage on your fabulous shack and need to refinance into an even cheaper interest rate than you already have???? No problem.  Uncle Shylock Sam has got you covered via the Home Affordable Refinance Program and it is thought that in 2012, there will be no limit on the loan to value ratio!!!!   Buying votes in an election year from important states like NY, FL and CA via mortgage refinancing....damned if these grifters ain't good!

5. How do I know if I am eligible for a refinance under HARP?

You may be eligible if:
The mortgage MUST be owned or guaranteed by Fannie Mae or Freddie Mac.
The mortgage MUST have been sold to Fannie Mae or Freddie Mac on or before May 31, 2009. (back in the good old bubble days)
The mortgage CANNOT have been refinanced under HARP previously unless it is a Fannie Mae loan that was refinanced under HARP from March-May, 2009.
The current loan-to-value (LTV) ratio MUST be greater than 80% - NOTE THAT ONE KIDS***MUST BE GREATER THAN 80% LOAN TO VALUE***
The borrower MUST be current on the mortgage at the time of the refinance, with no late payment in the past six months and no more than one late payment in the past 12 months.
You have a reasonable ability to pay the new mortgage payments.
The refinance improves the long term affordability or stability of your loan.

Christmas Shopping List Item

She never was much of a reader except for the “Chicken Soup for the Soul” kind of bullshit but I think this book might be a good “how to” guide for her.  As a bonus, I can get a used paperback copy for the princely sum of just 8 Ben Bernanke Fun Bucks. 

I understand that the author will soon have a sequel called “My Single Grandma Life: Stories and Practical Lessons for Your Journey” so that can be on my 2012 Christmas shopping list.

As Fred from Dirt Cheap says, “Have fun, be careful out there and enjoy the journey.”

Hugs and Kisses, you rotten bitch.

When Is a Marriage Like the Euro Zone?

When they are both destined to become a White Dwarf.

November 20 passed without my noticing this year.  That was my anniversary date when married.  It has been more than 8 years since leaving the warm embrace of matrimonial bliss….snicker, chuckle, snicker.

I count it as progress that this year, November 20 came and went without my taking note of it until coming to the realization a few days later that the date had come and gone.  To forget is to heal?  Maybe.

So comes some news from Charles Hugh Smith writing about the coming demise of the Euro and the European Union.  His phrase – “Rather than fear this return to transparent feedback, we should welcome it and hurry it along. Systems which cut off feedback and choke transparency with artifice and lies are doomed to implode.”

If my former “marriage” & “family life” (using those words flippantly) is to be trusted as a model, you can take that statement to the bank.  Tick tock.

Pedo State

"All these Penn State jokes are getting old... unlike the kid in the shower"

I heard they are renaming Sandusky's children’s foundation from "The Second Mile" to "The First Six Inches".

At Sandusky's arraignment, the judge reportedly asked him, "How does 8-9 years sound?"
He replied, "Sexy."

Nebraska – Penn State…. Corn Huskers vs. Corn Holers.

During the Grand Jury investigation, Sandusky reportedly remarked, "I wish I had known that I was going to grow up to be pedophile."  When asked "Why?" he responded, "Because I'd have taken pictures of myself naked when I was younger."

An investigative reporter discovered that in his younger days, Sandusky was fired from his first job as a lifeguard...

Turns out the kids have to be dying before you can kiss them.

The remainder of Penn State’s football season has been changed to 2 hand touch regulations.

How does Penn State separate the men from the boys? They don't, they look the other way.

Someone should have seen the warning signs when commentators were referring to teams getting blown out as getting "sanduskied".

Craigslist listing:  FOR SALE, one PENN STATE football sweater, child’s size, white stains on back.

All of Penn State's wins this year were come from behind

Nittany Lions - practice hard, play hard, shower hard

What do Jerry Sandusky and evaporated milk have in common?  Both are white and come in little cans.

Anyone heard of a Sandusky sandwich? It's an old Polish sausage between fresh buns.

So, 13 Eunuchs Go Into a Bar....

Having a hard time getting my mind around this story.

"India's estimated 700,000 eunuchs traditionally survive by begging, dancing at weddings, or blessing newborn babies, and frequently are subjected to discrimination."

Wow, that's a LOT of eunuchs.

Well This Explains a Few Things

"A report from Medco Health Solutions, Inc. entitled "America's State of Mind" portrays the female population of the U.S. turning increasingly to anti-depression, anti-anxiety and tranquilizers to cope with the daily grind. One of the most alarming statistics is that one in four women is dispensed medication for a mental health condition, compared to just 15 percent of men."
As they age, they go Nuggin' Futts!!

Back in a past life that saw me as a married schlub doing the daily grind, I couldn’t help but feel I was onboard the USS Minnow playing Giligan but the captain was unfortunately NOT the affable “Skipper”…. The ship was being captained by Sybil.  One miserable year into the next until finally the kiddies were old enough and I could vamoose my Smug Bastard ass outta there.  My theme song while stuck on board became:

For The Penn State Fan Who Has Everything

Got a Penn State fan who has everything and is super tough to shop for at Christmas Time?  Your prayers have been answered.  The university at Happy Valley will be putting it up for bid on Craigslist.  Happy bidding.

Distraction

Thank you Al Gore for inventing the internet.

Our Culture

I think I can make the argument that our culture is absolutely full of low-life, money grubbing, superficial ass clown, douche bag grifters that have no soul.  There is a hell, assholes and you’ve got one foot in the first circle.

Yeah, Perhaps Showering with the Boys Wasn't a Great Idea Afterall, Jerry

What Could Be More Normal, Huh?

A winning football coach

A charitable man

A “winner” in life by all outward appearances

Evidently, he was getting away with it for years because of superficial reasons and because he just seemed so gosh-darned “normal” (whatever the fuck that’s supposed to mean).

He drug down others around him because they were unwilling to call him out for what he was (which evidently was a shower buddy for under-aged boys). 

What ever happened to disowning friends and family when they crossed the line and became completely weird and fucked up?  

What ever happened to: “Yeah, we’ve had a lot of laughs over the years and I counted you as my friend but dude… that’s fucked up and I’m going to call the cops now and throw your lousy boy-raping ass under the bus.”

Family Tradition

I'm told that some ass clown video game called Tour of Duty or some other such clever name has been launched with new game features and it is all the rage with a certain segment of the population. 

If I hear anyone piss and moan about war and the veterans and their plight, I drown it out.  I don't listen.  Just like we as a country don't listen to Eisenhower's warning against allowing the rise of a military industrial complex.  If we as a people want to glorify war, don't give me the sob stories about missing limbs, damaged mental capacities, lost years and lost lives.  We choose it most of the time.

I've said it before and I'll say it again... all that group activity shit under the watchful eye of some control freak mother fucker in a Smokey Bear hat is for the fucking birds.  If this country is ever invaded, that's one thing.  Decade long military adventures abroad are a horse of another color.

They're Gonna Miss the Bunga Bunga Invites When He's Gone

The best bunga bunga that government money and power can buy.
"Both European Union leaders and markets had been exerting intense pressure on Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi to resign in recent weeks. Yet now that he has indicated a willingness to step aside, the uncertainty seems greater than ever."

Stocks Plunge 3% On Italy

The latest in market histrionic disorder right here.

And really, who cares anymore?  Gee whiz, some rich T. Coddington Van VorHees VIII type of bastard invested in the equities market will have to make do with water skiing behind two yachts instead of three.... wow, that's just way too fucking bad, huh?

I knew an Italian woman once who told me that her Grandmother had a phrase she was fond of - "You can die poor and have no shame, but you shouldn't die hungry."

We All Leave Las Vegas - One Way or The Other

The de-leveraging that is taking place today is uncomfortable for many people.  Although I peddle debt for a living, I’m not in that group.  Why is it uncomfortable for so many?  My thought is that it can be connected to a definition of cognitive dissonance that I came across.

"Cognitive dissonance is the mental conflict that people experience when they are presented with evidence that their beliefs or assumptions are wrong."
Montier (2002)

For many years, people have been led to believe that debt was not necessarily a bad thing.  Several generations have been led to believe that buying on credit wasn’t something that should be avoided - buying anything on credit – a house, an education, a car, the kitchen table, a flat screen television, a motorcycle, etc.  Politicians were no different.  They bought votes on credit as well.  It’s unraveling just as it should.  The “hair of the dog” for an alcoholic is a form of cognitive dissonance in that it is two conflicting thoughts held in the mind at the same time – the drunk knows that one more drink isn’t really going to help him or her with his or her root problem…but it makes the unpleasant thought of drying out go away for a little while.

BUTTSCRATCHER!?!

"If big banks get to settle with the SEC without admitting or denying any wrongdoing, what good does a settlement do in the end?"

To admit or deny -- that is the question

We have the best democracy that money can buy.  It's back scratching (or butt scratching whichever you prefer).

Not Always a Bad Thing

“The conscious and intelligent manipulation of the organized habits and opinions of the masses is an important element in democratic society. Those who manipulate this unseen mechanism of society constitute an invisible government which is the true ruling power of our country. …We are governed, our minds are molded, our tastes formed, our ideas suggested, largely by men we have never heard of. This is a logical result of the way in which our democratic society is organized. Vast numbers of human beings must cooperate in this manner if they are to live together as a smoothly functioning society. In almost every act of our daily lives, whether in the sphere of politics or business, in our social conduct or our ethical thinking, we are dominated by the relatively small number of persons…who understand the mental processes and social patterns of the masses. It is they who pull the wires which control the public mind.” – Edward Bernays – Propaganda – 1928

Does the sword of propaganda have two edges?  Can it both enslave and empower?  I think I could make the argument that Moses was a successful propagandist.

And the Band Played On

"The leaders of Greece’s two largest political parties last night decided to form a government of national unity to start implementing a €130bn (£112bn) bail-out plan, then take the country to elections."

Well, uh-huh... that's nice dear..... uh-huh....

My Greek isn’t so good.  Can someone please advise me on how to say “Rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic” in the tongue of Homer?

Never Can Find a Bandana In the Sock Drawer When You Need One

Snark Park

"I don't do the passive-aggressive thing. I am direct and outspoken. So I made sure anyone who parked there knew they would get a ticket. That was only fair. And the way most of my students struggle financially I can't imagine it would be worth it to them to pay $50 for parking there for the evening."

Do you think the struggle might have something to do with the $20,000 per year tuition bill, Professor?

I've been there and yes, parking is a major league bitch.

The More Credible, Edible Euro

September 22, 2009 - Earlier, the Islamic Republic of Iran had announced that the euro would replace the greenback in the country’s oil transactions. Iran has called on other OPEC members to ditch the sinking dollar in favor of the more credible euro.

August 10, 2010 - "We are going to remove dollar and euro from our foreign currency basket and replace them with (Iranian) rial and all other currencies of the countries which accept to cooperate with us," leading economic daily Doniye e-Ektesad quoted First Vice President Mohammad Reza Rahimi as saying.
"These currencies are filthy and we will no longer sell our oil in dollar and euro," Rahimi told a meeting of education officials.

What's next???? Trading in ancient Yap Rai's???

Corporal Klinger Comes Home

"Wall Street corporations have played a big role in the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan," said Bordeleau, 24, who served several years in Iraq over two tours ending in 2009 and now attends college in New York.
He said private contractors have reaped big profits in those countries "in pursuit of corporate interests that have had a devastating effect on our economy and our country, benefiting only a small number of people."

Veteran unemployment is projected to worsen after 10,000 servicemen and servicewomen return from Afghanistan and 46,000 come home from Iraq by year's end - many wounded or suffering from mental trauma.

People don't mind being useful but they sure do dislike feeling used.

We can’t say we didn’t get a warning from a man with some knowledge on the subject.

The Old Man of the Army (Pershing) mentored Fox Conner (a Mississippi boy!) who then mentored Ike.  These are people who knew a thing or two about military life and how it intersected with life in these United States of America.  We failed to listen to them and are paying a price for that failure.

Miss You

I miss you Bing and so does The Inglorious Bastard.

So Long as Ben "The Punisher" Bernanke is Comfortable

"The Fed noted Wednesday that inflation is still within the central bank’s comfort zone."

It's not easy being The Gimp... wears a fellow out

Muscle Joining the Occupation?

"We're getting calls from veterans across the country who are extremely angry and appalled that someone who served two tours in Iraq got injured as a well-behaved protester,'' says Kimball, 27. "It's rallying vets across the country. We're just seeing the beginning of it."

We're hearing from 80 year old Marines

Yikes!  It occurred to me that it might be possible that what many of the 1% “don’t get” is that much of the muscle that forms their protection comes from the unwashed ranks of the 99%.  As I am loathe to participate in “group activities”, I have no first hand knowledge but I’m told by some who enjoy group calisthenics and collectively blowing shit up that many sign up to be one of Uncle Sam’s Misguided Children first and foremost to earn a paycheck, support a family, overcome some personal hurdles, etc.  In that process, my guess is that they are like any other human beings and tend to form close personal bonds with one another because of shared experiences.

To use a Dylan phrase: Strange how people who suffer together have stronger connections than people who are most content.

We Make Money the Old Fashioned Way

Great Crash of '29

Some people made money the old-fashioned way during the crash — i.e., by stealing it. After the initial crisis on Black Thursday, a group of high-powered bankers tried to stabilize the market by using a $130 million pool of funds to buy stocks, sometimes at prices above market value. A member of the group, Albert H. Wiggin, head of Chase National Bank, began short selling his own portfolio at the same time he was committing his bank's money to buying. He shorted more than 42,000 shares, making more than $4 million. Because he used a Canadian shell company to buy the stocks, he didn't even pay taxes on his gains. Though forced to resign in disgrace, Wiggin otherwise went unpunished and got to keep the money, the jerk.

Great Crash of '08

Take it away, David....

Ben Bernanke - The Masked Punisher

"The Fed's policies are "designed to reward spending and effectively p*u*n*i*s*h savers," said Eric Green, chief U.S. economist at TD Securities"

Getting in Practice for Pheasant Season

Kim Kardashian is Smarter Than Me

If only I had done the same 10 weeks into that clusterfuck of a marriage.... if only.....

Screw The Headlines - IT'S NOVEMBER!!!!

From Drudge today:

"Greek Vote Threatens European Bailout" - Don't much care for Europeans any-howz
"Government on Verge of Imploding" - Most Governments aren't worth a bucket of warm piss any-howz
"European Banks Sink on Bombshell" - their comeuppance is overdue in my humble O-Pinion
"World Markets Plunge" - tough shit, the Smug Bastard has not invested in that Ponzi scheme since 2001

THIS is what makes my tiny, black, thorny heart beat for the next few months: