Bizzarro World

A notary in the Brazilian state of Sao Paulo has sparked controversy by accepting a civil union between three people.

One Awesome Fucking Website Explains Why I Never Wanted to Be a Cop

Jesus, Joseph and Mary.... what a motley crew of assclowns.

Weekend Update with Dennis Miller

I think Mr. Miller's thoughts are the thoughts of many within the mainstream of people who are becoming fatigued with the present course of events...

key phrase - I'm all for helping the helpless but I don't give a rat's ass about the clueless

A Hot Woman Working Straight Commission

"But if a woman banker is on straight COMMISSION, she may be my first choice, especially if she is attractive.  It’s been my personal observation that women on straight commission can be very powerful business animals, like a mama bear protecting her cubs.  Don’t get in this woman’s way.  She’s on a mission to get deals closed."

They used to work only in pharmaceutical sales....

Open an account and get a free toaster

I guess you can be hot..... but not too hot

Wow - Time Flies When You're Having Fun

The news anchor in this clip is now dead.  The chief of police is now dead.  And now, the dude getting his ass kicked is now dead (but somehow managed to outlive the news anchor AND the chief).

"His death was deemed accidental. Coroner's officials said drugs and alcohol, combined with his enlarged heart, likely triggered an irregular heartbeat that incapacitated him after he fell or jumped into his backyard pool. Along with alcohol, toxicology tests found traces of marijuana, PCP and cocaine.  Before his death at 47, King described himself as a recovering addict, but he had not stopped drinking and had secured a doctor's clearance to use medical marijuana (my comment - medical marijuana.... you gotta be kidding me).  Last year he appeared on VH1's "Celebrity Rehab," trying to tackle his fight with alcoholism."

So, along the line of this link - I couldn't help but ask myself this question.... 

American By Birth, Southern By the Grace of God

Texans take the cake - this one goes out to the Fam.

Crack - A - Lack - Bam

Crackers, rednecks, hillbillies and those who wear brush pants - Rejoice for the 2012-2013 bird hunting season is upon us!

The USS FHA Sails Into Unchartered Waters

Good luck on your three hour tour.

"The FHA has completely deviated from their mission and is simply another method of over extending debt strapped and income restricted Americans into homes that they clearly cannot afford.  What was once a tiny echo is now becoming a larger siren of impending financial issues.  The FHA is heading directly into a bailout scenario."

I have been reading the good Doctor's blog for many years and history has proven that the Doc knows his shit where the housing bubble is concerned....

Only in America

Seinfeld's Bizzarro World has nothing on this place.

I go home to see the pets each work day and to have lunch.  I want to paint a picture for you:

A middle aged cracker transplant from the South who suffers from a Peter Pan complex rides his Victory Vision motorcycle (built in the Upper Midwest) through a public housing project.  He is on his way back to his office gig downtown after enjoying a home cooked lunch and watering his outdoor plants using his second hand hose and watering cans.  The buildings within the ghetto project are actually newer than the house that the cracker pays to live in with his bird dog and derelict bastard cat.  An ethnic yute youthful man walks by while the cracker idles his motorcycle at a red light.  The cracker surmises that either the yute youthful man is unemployed or he works in a setting that is extremely lax about a dress code as the ethnic yute youthful  man has shorts worn extremely low to the point that the yute’s youthful man’s patterned briefs can be viewed and critiqued by the passing public.  At the same time, another ethnic yute youthful man appears and is working a leaf blower.  He is fully clad, no undergarments displayed, and wearing long sleeves and a hat to protect his skin from the mid day sun.  The cracker surmises that he may be a recent immigrant to this country from somewhere further south than the cracker’s origin.  OR, the ethnic yute youthful man might be an undocumented immigrant who, via a native lawn care contractor, has landed a gig down town working within the public housing authority by using documents containing-slightly-less-than-truthful information.  An automatic sprinkler system activates and sprinkler heads appear and shower the curbside plants with water.

I'm Siding With the Cop

She had it coming.  Be sure to pay attention to the facial expressions of the talking head delivering the news.  Is it just me or does she appear sympathetic toward the drunk driver who just committed a hit and run and failed to obey the instructions of the cop who chased her down?  Why is this cop being removed from his job?  He got a nuisance off the road.  As far as I’m concerned, he could have put his foot up her ass so far that they had to do a three legged race to the hospital and she had the smell of shoe leather on her breath for a week – sometimes that is the only thing that gets people’s attention and stops them from committing the same bad behavior over and over and over again.  Too often, people (women / children in particular) garner sympathies when they commit stupid acts and get their tits in a wringer during confrontations with the very authorities societies hire to keep stupid and/or criminal jack asses in check.

I say round them all up, let them booze it up, give them all Beater 500's to drive and put them in an arena for a demolition derby with a "last man standing wins" rule and let them drive until they all off one another save one "victor".  Then keep the games going matching the victors in a second round - a drunk-driving demo derby blood sport spectacle - Gladiator meets Rum Diaries!

In The Game of Life, Most Are Expendable Pawns

Chicago would use its sweeping powers of eminent domain to seize underwater mortgages. The effort would involve creating “securitized packages of loans” that would be offered to private investors at a “steep discount.” Loans would then be “written down to a fair market value” to create a new mortgage with a reduced principal and lower monthly payments more affordable to struggling homeowners.





OK struggling Chicago Home Moaners - take a guess which of the above pieces best represents you.... take your time, it's a tough choice.... just like buying an overpriced shack with a ticking time bomb mortgage was a tough choice....

"The group is reportedly working with Mortgage Resolution Partners on the eminent domain idea now under consideration in Chicago and elsewhere around the nation."  Make that mortgage payment check payable to "City of Chicago".

I'm going to give you Chicago Home Moaners a hint on which of the chess pieces best represents you....

Skank-O-Licious Mother Daughter Dynamic Duo from Durango

The Colorado teen who gained national attention when her high school yearbook photo was rejected as too racy was arrested, along with her mother, after police broke up an alleged underage drinking party at their home, The Durango Herald reports.

Color me shocked...

The apples never fall very far from the tree....

mmmmmm.....

The Fattest Poor People the Earth Has Ever Known

Food Fight!!!!

Say Anything, Promise Anything

"OK so let me just make sure I have this (I'm kinda dense sometimes for a smart person...), the government's interference here sent hog prices to a one-week high which means I, as a consumer, am going to then have to pay for that through HIGHER PORK CHOP PRICES later?"

Stop your belly aching Jr. and get with the program.

But rest assured that we've been here before only in the reverse order where the gub'mint paid farmers to stop production.... but they already do that via the conservation reserve program....

"The AAA evened the balance of supply and demand for farm commodities so that prices would support a decent purchasing power for farmers. This concept was known as "parity." AAA controlled the supply of seven "basic crops" — corn, wheat, cotton, rice, peanuts, tobacco, and milk — by offering payments to farmers in return for farmers not planting those crops. The AAA also became involved in assisting farmers ruined by the advent of the Dust Bowl in 1934. In 1936 the Supreme Court, ruling in United States v. Butler, declared the AAA unconstitutional. Writing for the majority, Justice Owen Roberts stated that by regulating agriculture, the federal government was invading areas of jurisdiction reserved by the constitution to the states, and thus violated the Tenth Amendment. Judge Harlan Stone responded for the minority that, "Courts are not the only agency of government that must be assumed to have capacity to govern."   Elected!!!! I wanna be elected!!!!!! Respected!!!!!!

Barry Channels Moses

"Congress needs to pass a farm bill that will not only provide important disaster relief tools but also make necessary reforms and give farmers the certainty they deserve," said Obama in his first remarks on the farm bill in weeks.

Last time I checked, agriculture is a business full of uncertainty and has been since Biblical times.  What do I know... maybe Barry and Congress can in fact remove all risk.  Nothing gains votes in the Midwest like going to a field of parched dirt, parting it and revealing large piles of crisp Ben Bernanke Fun Bucks under the cracked earth.

I Prefer Pam Organic Olive Oil When Oiling Down

The Associated Press ROCK ISLAND, Ill. — Police in Rock Island arrested a man found naked and covered in cooking spray.Police responding to a call Monday found the man carrying a pair of shorts. Officers say the man told police he'd taken the shorts off because they were too big and wouldn't stay on.Deputy Rock Island Police Chief Jeff VenHuizen tells The Rock Island Argus that authorities had received reports about a naked man in the city's business district who'd "lathered himself up with Crisco cooking spray."Officers who arrested 41-year-old Chad William Forber of Blue Grass allege they found drugs in the pocket of his shorts. He also was carrying a container of cooking spray.He's charged with possession of methamphetamine, resisting or obstructing a peace officer and possession of drug paraphernalia.

Johnny Depp - Culture Club Critic

France, and the whole of Europe have a great culture and an amazing history. Most important thing though is that people there know how to live! In America they've forgotten all about it. I'm afraid that the American culture is a disaster. - Deep Depp Thoughts

I'd say that since you played a leading role in this bullshit series, you did your part in making American culture a disaster.  Now, c'mon back to your ole Kentucky home where the 'shine is potent, the women are toothless & loose, and the taxes are low, low, low.

Actor Johnny Depp has moved out of France and returned to America because he didn’t want to become a permanent French resident and pay income tax there. - November 2011

Well, my hat is off to you Depp-ster.  You have a keen sense of timing. 

"President François Hollande is vowing to impose a 75 percent tax on the portion of anyone’s income above a million euros ($1.24 million) a year." 

Yep, those nightmarish higher tax rates will rip you a new bung hole!

American Know How

Daddy went out to the corner food store on wheels  for a Colt 45 and a pack of Kool's and that's the last I ever saw him....

Because Market Players Sometimes Play Dirty

"Hedges is a socialist, self-admittedly. And I am not. I am a believer in markets, but in sound regulation of them by an objective, publicly controlled organization, much like a referee or umpire, who transparently enforces the rules which are clear and fair to all. Why? Because people always and everywhere will cheat, some much more readily than others. The meme of naturally efficient markets is a classic 'big lie.' "

Once again, Jesse lays it out in dummy downed form so that even a jughead like yours truly can follow along.

The game is not unfair by its nature.  On the other hand, the game participants have been known to kick their opponents in the head when they are down.  Without the zebras on the field, this motherfucker would have carried a loaded gun on the field.

Fun to watch but not fun to play against.

Someone Should Have Pissed in Dipshit's Free Water

Watching the video, I'd say he's actually on the down-low with his gayness.

"I don't know how you live with yourself and work here...."

Sanctimonious prick  -  Have fun being unemployed asshole.

"Smith previously taught as an adjunct lecturer at the University of Arizona, according to reports, but does not currently hold a position with university."

Kenny Bing suggests that Mr. Smith go over to U of A and offer to suck some dick to get his old job back.

For a Certain Shoe Loving Attorney I Know

Not Sure About Chick-fil-A but I Do Know How He Feels About Going Out for Mexican

Who's up for making a Border Run for tortillas?  Paul?  Peter?  You fly and I'll buy... No, I'm NOT asking Judas...fucker ripped me out of my change last time AND ate my damned Gordita on the way back to the garden.

"We are very much supportive of the family -- the biblical definition of the family unit," Cathy said...

For who hath known the mind of the Lord, that he may instruct him?

Planting my flag solidly in the fly infested mound known as Don't Know/Don't Give Two Shits Hill provided that both groups of weirdos stay away from me and let me eat my delicious damned chicken sandwich in fucking peace.

Welcome to Volt-ville

...The latest folly, as reported by Edmunds Inside Line, involves a $10.4 million grant from the Energy Department to create what Edmunds calls "Chevrolet Volt-ville."...probably more like "Chevrolet Dolt-ville".

For the record, I've no problem with electric cars (or motorcycles for that matter).  But, I can just imagine what kind of hell it would be living in a village of groupthink douchebag lemmings.  Also, since when does GM not wear big boy pants and pay for its own experiments in social engineering?  Besides, given the current sales of Dolts Volts, why does GM need Uncle Shylock's assistance for the project?